DFW Concept Furniture Store

DFW Concept Furniture Store is live at HYPERFY.IO/BLACKCITY

Right, so people are buying virtual houses now. [laughs] 

No, seriously, they're spending actual money on houses that don't exist. [wipes tear] 

And the best part? They're not even doing it as an investment! At least crypto bros pretend they're gonna make money, right?

[Takes sip of water, leans on stool]

But here's the mental bit - people are doing it for "identity." [makes air quotes] 

Imagine that conversation: "What do you do?"

"Oh, I express myself through virtual architecture."

"So... you play Minecraft?"

"No, no, it's different. It's about my IDENTITY." [Laughs hysterically] 

We're all doomed.

[Gets serious for a moment]

But you know what? It actually makes sense in a weird way.

Think about it - we're all pretending anyway, aren't we?

You go to work pretending to care about Sharon's cat photos, pretending that your boss's jokes are funny.

At least in the metaverse, you can pretend in a mansion! [Points at audience member] 

Better than your studio apartment, innit?

And then there's the "community" aspect. [Rolling eyes] 

Because what we really needed was another way for people to form cliques and judge each other.

But instead of excluding you because of your shoes, they'll exclude you because your virtual house doesn't have enough polygons. [Laughs] 

Progress!

The Digital Forgery Workshop Bit

[Pacing the stage]

So there's this company called Digital Forgery Workshop - DFW for short, because apparently typing three words is too much work in the digital age.

They started in 2021, right in the middle of everyone losing their minds about the metaverse.

[Miming typing] "Oh no, Facebook's changed its name to Meta, quick, let's start a virtual design company!"

But here's the thing - they're actually proper mental.

They make everything in something called .glb format. [Confused face] 

Sounds like a sexually transmitted disease, doesn't it?

"Sorry mate, I've got a bad case of the GLBs." [Laughs]

They've made over 100 designs, right? Furniture, sculptures, 3D beings - whatever that means.

Won awards and everything. [Pause] 

Awards!

For furniture that doesn't exist! [Looking bewildered] 

Imagine that acceptance speech: "I'd like to thank gravity for not existing in my world..."

[Takes another sip of water]

Their latest thing is this concept store with 28 designs. Everything's monochromatic, which is just a posh way of saying they couldn't be bothered with colors.

And get this - they're proud that it's all under 10MB. [Laughs] 

That's like bragging that your imaginary friend doesn't eat much.

The best part? They display different furniture pieces in the same materials so you can "get a feel" for them. [Pause] 

Get a feel... in virtual reality... for furniture that doesn't exist... [Stares at audience] 

Someone's getting paid for this!

[Gets philosophical]

But you know what? Fair play to them.

While we're all stuck in traffic and paying ridiculous rent, they're off building digital castles and selling virtual chairs to people with too much money. [Shrugs] 

Maybe they're the smart ones.

I mean, at least when their furniture breaks, they can just ctrl+Z it away.

Try doing that with your IKEA bookshelf!

[Closing bit]

So next time someone tells you they're "expressing their identity through virtual architecture," don't laugh. Well, no - laugh, definitely laugh. But remember: we're all living in some kind of virtual reality anyway. Theirs just has better rendering. [Raises glass] And probably fewer cats from Sharon.

[Mic drop]